By Georgia Wilkinson

 

What single person doesn’t love Valentine’s?!

It’s a day specifically dedicated to reminding you that nobody romanically loves you. It’s impossible to set foot out the door for weeks before without having love hearts aggressively smashed into your face by literally every shop window – everything that can be covered in red and pink streamers is, and if it can’t be then it’s tactically hidden behind a massive love heart or helium balloon. The world screams ‘FIND A VALENTINE OR BE ALONE FOREVER’ for at least three weeks, and that’s just the build up.

By the time Valentine’s rolls around, I’m always sick of it. It’s been rammed down my throat for so long that I really don’t care anymore. And then comes socialising.

It’s February, which means it’s freezing cold and probably raining. You spend too long in the coziness of bed, so stumble into your tutorial a little late in yesterday’s leggings and a big cozy jumper, rubbing sleep from your eyes, only to be confronted with The Valentine’s Friend. Everyone has a Valentine’s Friend. They will appear on Valentine’s with a rose somewhere on their person which is from the bouquet their totally perfect God of a boyfriend presented to them along with breakfast in bed. After describing in microscopic detail every second of their morning, from the adorably goofy card (“I actually brought it with me it’s so cute, d’you want to see?!”) to the myriad of gifts (“I thought it was just the flowers, the breakfast and the card but then he gave me bath stuff and a teddy holding a heart made of chocolate that had my name inscribed on it in jelly beans, and was full of marshmallows, and then I went for a shower and when I came out there were rose petals all down the hall to my room so I followed them and he was waiting with a bow on his-“) it’s just insufferable.

Actually, the boasting isn’t really that bad. Someone The Valentine’s Friend really likes has done something special for The Valentine’s Friend so they’re excited and want to share. It’s cute to see them light up and get all excited about their bae, even if you could have done without that bit about the bow.

Because The Valentine’s Friend has an unlimited and unshakeable faith in your romantic abilities. Despite the fact you haven’t worn makeup in weeks, and are more likely to binge-watch Netflix than put on something hot and leave the house, The Valentine’s Friend is secure in the knowledge that you have a string of people just waiting to throw themselves at your feet and they will not be shaken in this belief, even though the only Valentine you got was from your Gran.

So that’s what it’s like to be single on Valentine’s Day. Top it all off with a takeout and a Nicholas Sparks movie, and then you can ignore it all until next year.

 

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