By Fraser Bryce
I’ve tackled some rather touchy subjects in my time, but I’ve got a feeling this is going to make me loved and hated by you lot in equal measure. That’s right, I’m here to talk about everyone’s favourite bigot: Jeremy Clarkson. For those of you who live under a rock, Clarkson has been suspended by the BBC for punching a Top Gear producer who failed to arrange hot food after a day’s filming. I know. What an arsehole.
Before we continue, I should stress that this isn’t just going to be a 700 word hate speech aimed at Clarkson, as I quite admire the man. Not the racism or sexism or bigotry or any of that bad stuff. I respect him as a clearly talented broadcaster and journalist. Hell, I’ve been accused of ripping him off numerous times. But it’s clear that the man needs to be taken aside and told to stop being such a dick. He clearly thinks that, because of the massive amounts of cash Top Gear brings in to the BBC, he can get away with nearly anything. And considering this is far from his first offence – I’m not going to list all the times he was warned for saying something offensive, because there’s only so many words I can write here. Needless to say, it’s a lot.
[Note: I’m writing this on the 17th of March, so this will be about a month out of date by the time it’s published. So don’t go thinking “HA! Look at this twat, does he even watch the news?” This is all based the information on the case that was available at the time]
First up, let’s look at the facts. Clarkson punched a guy, the BBC are pure raging. Will the BBC sack him? Hell no. Can you imagine what that would do to the BBC financially? Top Gear is the most watched ‘factual’ – read as: middle age men setting things on fire and falling over – programmes in the world, and it is sold to over 200 countries. Take that out of the equation, and the BBC’s budget will return to the point where the monsters on Doctor Who were made out of Styrofoam and glitter. The BBC are cowards, they won’t pick common decency over their own finances. Personally, I think Clarkson should be punished. If you punched someone at any other job, you’d be sacked. End of story. Now, just because Clarkson makes the BBC a cubic fucktonne of money, the outcome shouldn’t be any different. Make him see out the remaining three episodes of Top Gear left in his contract, then tell him to piss off.
But, if and when the BBC don’t fire him, will Clarkson stay? He has been subjected to a bit of a witch hunt recently – namely the n-word scandal, where he said the word on a bit of rehearsal footage that was not broadcast. Can you imagine if TV personalities were fired over their actions offscreen and in rehearsal? There’d be a lot less paedos running around the BBC, for one thing. And recently, one of the BBC’s directors, compared defending him to the defence of Jimmy Saville. Now, say what you like about Clarkson, but comparing someone who is notoriously outspoken to a convicted paedophile is a bit harsh. I think that, if Clarkson isn’t fired, he’ll leave anyway, and, based on their refusal to film without him, James May and Richard Hammond will leave too. They’ll go to some other channel, probably Channel 4, because they give approximately zero fucks about decency – they had Jon Snow huffing skunk on TV for god sake – and the BBC will attempt to start a new, politically correct Top Gear, with Chris Evans and the annoying black haired one from the Great British Bake Off. With any luck, they’ll take the online petition to get Alan Partridge to present Top Gear into account (Crash! Bang! Wallop! What a Video! Google it now, thank me later).
Joking aside, I think Jeremy’s time at the BBC has finally come to an end. He’s gone a step to far, and both he and the BBC are going to pay the price for it. Personally, he’s had it coming for a while, but it will be a shame to see Top Gear go, because, let’s be honest, it’s pretty damn funny. But, the BBC needs to put common decency before their own needs, and sack him. They won’t. But wouldn’t it be nice if they did?} else {
